Permanence and Impermanence

I’m starting to feel like a broken record. Which is obviously a problem. It’s my problem.

I’ve renamed this blog because this blog is not mine anymore and I am officially, for real, stepping away. It is going to remain a platform to house the post which revealed a blogging character in your world who caused a lot of personal damage to a lot of people. It was also, at times, a front row seat to the opera entitled “rape culture”.  This is not to imply that Eric Robillard is a rapist- he is, however, a predator.

I am addressing the culture in which we live. A culture where people are terrified to speak up about a man who violated and preyed upon women in more than one way. The following reaction of a community when someone dares speak up. The consequences to the person who had the gall to open her mouth and house the story on her personal blog. How supporting that woman was done privately, because people were afraid, for myriad reasons. While certain women came forth with their own stories of bullying practices and other unwanted sexual advances from Eric, it is my opinion that most who chose to speak up, did so because they were able to reap the rewards of my bravery. It should be of no surprise that most everything in the blog world is a means to an end: self-serving. If my statements have hurt your feelings, please know, that is not my intent. With all of that said, I can’t continue to try and force feed you what the larger, more important issue is.

Welcome to the rape culture.

While this song began with three people in acapella, it ended as a musical.  I can only do so much and I draw the line when it starts to affect the state of my emotional well being. I should have drawn that line weeks ago.

While this is a testament to the state of a rape culture, it is also a testament to the dangers of online interactions. I certainly learned something in my short time here. Blogging is platform that is ripe for people to hide behind a facade and create whatever persona or personae they wish. A blogger can make accusations and influence their literal “followers” due to blind loyalty. (This sounds a lot like a religion.) I tried, as best I could, to show evidence each time I made a serious claim about something because I think it’s only fair, when accusations are thrown around, that there is evidence to back up those serious accusations. Not everyone feels this is required in order to believe serious claims made in your community.

Maybe it’s an easier way to live: to trust so enthusiastically. And maybe my PTSD puts me at the polar opposite of that spectrum where I live with hypervigilance. Somewhere in the middle exists common sense mixed with knowledge in order to make an informed decision.

That hypervigilance enabled me to spot danger, relatively quickly, here in your community. Remember – I knew no one and had no knowledge of previous bullying practices by Eric and his lynch mob.

That same hypervigilance threw me into a panic once I started to receive vitriolic hate mail and email from people pointing me in directions of blogs and blog posts that I’d never even heard of, once I’d revealed publicly who Eric Robillard really was. Each piece of interaction piled up and I was no longer able to see things clearly. It was too much information at one time. Too much of a burden for one person. Too much hate for one person to handle alone. Those people who claimed to have my back and support me – did so privately. When the time came to really step up when things went south, all but one person truly remained by my side and her name is Edee. That’s because she’s the only real friend of mine that engages in the blog world – (although, she too has left “the blog world”). My real life friends don’t have blogs.

I became immersed in an online world for which I was not prepared: people playing both sides of the field, people sending private messages expecting (without asking first) those private messages to remain private not taking into consideration that I’m not in a position to keep anything private since I’m not in a profession that requires aforementioned confidentiality. The very fact that people wanted to speak privately despite the fact that this community’s foundation is inherently public, feels false. The duality of that is not something with which I’m comfortable as it fosters manipulation, lies, rumors, and a general lack of accountability.

If you’re a victim of sexual abuse or abuse in general, I respect your wish to contact me privately and not have that information public.

When you email me privately and tell me outright or imply to me that you are contacting me in secret, to support me, because you don’t want your blog to “take a hit”, I have no respect for you.

Welcome to your community.

I leave you with one more piece of information. I contacted this woman and asked if I could share what she wrote to me, as she was actually preyed upon by Eric and if I’m going to respect anyone’s privacy – it’s that of someone who has been victimized. She revised her initial email to me so as to remove information that she does not want public. Along with this, I have an email from a woman in Canada. Eric lied to everyone in the blogging world about everything. He was not a media consultant. He has six complaints of sexual harassment at one of his previous employers. He has no friends where he lives in Canada because he was “outed” long ago and no one will hire him or wants anything to do with him. I will not post the email I received from Canada because, once again, people are afraid. His last resort was to build a fake life on the internet. That persona is now gone, too. One can only hope that your community does not allow that type of behavior to exist again. I surely won’t be here to say anything, for reasons outlined in the previous paragraphs.

Also, when you lionize a sexual predator, you are rape cultured. When you choose to remain friends with a sexual predator, you are rape cultured. It’s called being an apologist.

Eric Robillard is a predator. He made unwanted sexual advances to more than one woman. He used his “empathetic platforms” to seek out and prey upon vulnerable women. Just because he didn’t do it to every single woman does not negate the aforementioned facts. Also, think about this article. And when you read that article, remember that I put the stamp of my real name when I chose not to stay silent about what Eric did to me. Don’t forget about what he did to this person, as well- another example of Eric preying upon women, here in your playground.


There is no need to “follow” this blog. This is not a blog – it’s a static website and this is the last post.