Outing Eric Robillard, Le Clown, The Magnificent – the predator with the red nose.

le clown admits

In the not so distant past, I was invited to write a story for Black Box Warnings. It was more of a cross-emailing going on – I’d approached Le Clown first and in his reply, explained that Jen had already spoken to him about me. I was ecstatic. I started blogging a few months ago for one purpose: to get my writing hand back in shape in order to begin the grueling process of writing my memoir about growing up under the fist of a sexually abusive, narcissistic sociopathic mother, and then my life with a drug addicted and drug trafficking father whom I didn’t know until I was almost 16. Up until almost a year ago, I’ve only written and published poetry. My declarations were always hidden behind metaphors.  After I publicly outed my mother on a blog created specifically to house her outing which ultimately went viral overnight, I began this new path of healing.  Of speaking up, being bold, and not allowing fear to get in my way anymore. I was, metaphorically speaking, giving the world’s shackles my collective middle fingers.

On December 17th, Eric aka Le Clown, published my story on Black Box Warnings. It was more of a testament to my bucking the typical social contracts that society has put into place regarding adults who were abused as children within a family unit and the surrounding constructs put into place to keep us quiet.  US:  those who were abused as children; those who have had our innocence not simply stolen but completely erased, wiped off the map of our short lives as if someone tore the paper out of every history book in the world. US: wrongly diagnosed. US: those who were groomed in silence to stay silent.

My interactions with Eric up until he published the story were very kind and professional.  I was extremely thankful to him that he offered my voice a platform because my life needs meaning. That meaning, for me, is helping others in any way that I can who have been abused as children and wish to overcome the silence that has been forcefully corked in our larynx. This is why I’m writing this.

I’m not going to stay silent. 

Eric, aka LE Clown, aka the Magnificent ™, about a week after my story was published on BBW, started sending me emails that became less about our “business” friendship and more personal. In fact, very quickly he delved into his admittance of having a fetish with smokers and asked if I smoked. I told him that I was a smoker and sent him a picture of my cigarettes with my little carrying case. I never sent any pictures of MYSELF. Ever. Despite him asking for pictures.

I admit that I lightly flirted back. These are my own boundary issues and I take responsibility for this.  I saw him as someone with power and he gave my voice a platform, therefore I felt like I “owed” him something. Each time the flirtation crossed a line however, I told him to stop.

On January 3rd, I received an email from Eric in the morning, like I had received many mornings prior. It was light-hearted at first and then came this:
le clown convo

le clown convo 2

It also became apparent that when I told Eric to stop, he coincidently had a problem with something that I would say publicly: first, it was the “bad ass bitch” badges. Eric offered some assistance with my blog after I told him that I was redesigning my blog and really wanted a HEADER image. I specifically asked where Jen had gotten hers because I admired it. When I made an off-the-cuff comment on a facebook thread about making “bad ass bitch badges”, two minutes later I received an email from Eric that was passively scolding me for wanting to make such badges. He proclaimed that he didn’t use this specific word and that he didn’t want any part of it – that he would not make said badges for me. I was highly confused because I had never asked him to make me any sort of badge.

In retrospect, I believe that he was taking out his anger of being rejected by me in the form of scolding me regarding my outlook on taking back ownership and power over certain words that are used to demean women.  Looking back now, I believe that he was passively punishing me for not allowing him to make sexual advances toward me.

We argued through email about this until I finally decided to unfriend him on facebook and no longer engage in any email banter.

A few days passed, and I thought the argument was silly. I was allowed to have my opinion and he can have his. No foul. I approached him in an email and apologized for the argument. He proclaimed his happiness regarding my decision to be friends again.

I don’t know why I did this. Again, I own and take responsibility for continuing to engage with this man. I should not have.

Enter Nicki Daniels, a woman who was befriended by Eric, aka Le Clown, to whom he also offered her voice a platform. She was seemingly embraced by his “carnies”, and most definitely by Eric. He added her to his personal facebook page, just as he had requested from me weeks earlier. When Nicki posted a humorous article on Bearded Hipsters, it quickly became controversial. In my opinion, Eric became jealous of her fast growing notoriety. When some of his women following disapproved of her blog post, Eric back-peddled. He opened up a public forum on his “A Clown on Fire” facebook page, where he and many other followers of his, metaphorically stood Nicki up in front of the classroom and reprimanded her. She was flogged, stoned, and given a few lashings under the guise of “self-improvement”.  It was a disgusting display of hypocrisy and irony. But most of all, it was an utter betrayal by Eric to Nicki. He proclaimed that he had asked her permission to do this, when in fact, he asked that permission only AFTER the post went up and after over 100 replies had already been posted.

I was aghast. This man, who only days earlier asked me to sit on his face, had opened up a public forum regarding WORDS and how they hurt people, using Nicki Daniels as the poster child. Proclaimed hard- core feminists railed against her, not knowing that the ring leader of this “important topic” preys upon women in the darkness of emails.

I voiced my opinion in that public lashing; how I thought it was wrong what was occurring. I called Eric out regarding his role in that gross display of self righteous indignation. In response, Eric took the entire post down and sent me an email, as he always does, as opposed to speaking to me publicly:

Le Clown on Nicki Post

I had already touched based with Nicki, to see how she was dealing with things, as I couldn’t imagine what that must have felt like for her – the betrayal. It’s one thing to post a blog tagged humor about bearded hipsters and another to open up a public forum, with Nicki Daniels as the subject title and allow a very serious reprimanding as if Nicki were the spawn of Le Clown and deserved the belt. I’ve spoken with Nicki several times, and I’ve since learned that Eric was very flirtatious with Nicki, commented on her prettiness, and told her that she “owed” him a picture of her smoking.

I also learned that Nicki was supposed to be included in the “5 bloggers to look out for” post, but was dropped by Le Clown or Eric or The Magnificent ™ for her “anti-feminist remarks”.

I believe this further proves the misrepresentation and hypocrisy of Eric, since he had been making sick “jokes” to me at the same time. It shows how he uses his platform to praise and punish. If you don’t do what he wants, he shuns you. In my case, if I stay silent, I will be rewarded. This is called exploitation.

Here’s how I believe Eric’s world works:

From what I can see, over 95% of Eric’s followers are women. Eric creates “empathetic” platforms geared toward female causes – abuse, mental illness, addiction, in order to garner a following of women who feel undervalued and unheard. This, in turn, creates a separate set of followers based on the previous tactic: those who proclaim strict feminist ideals. They are surprised and supportive of a “man” who offers the previous set of women a platform and they revere him for this.  He panders to this set, while sympathizing with the victim set. The underlying current is that Erik aka Le Clown then uses all of this to make unwanted sexual advances toward women who, only days or weeks prior, revealed a story about being sexually abused. He embraces his god-like status under the pseudonym Le Clown where he playfully posts videos of him jerking off. It is my perspective and opinion that Eric has LITERALLY created a carnival of women he can mine at his leisure, while no one mums a word because many are afraid of his very dedicated following, online High Priest status in the blogosphere, and because so many of these women are still on a road to recovery from abuse. I believe that many, including myself, have not yet learned how to properly set boundaries, especially given the aforementioned facts. I own that last part as something that is MY problem.

When I posted on Calamity Rae’s facebook page about me being in a quandary regarding outing someone who I believe is misrepresenting himself in the blog world by way of predatory behavior and preying practices, Eric flooded my inbox. He begged me to not post anything. He apologized. I refused to answer his emails. He admitted what he’d done to me but continued to use the word “joking around” as a defense strategy. (Does any of this sound familiar to those who read the open forum on Nicki Daniels?) Then he became even more desperate, due to my not responding to him. In every email, he used his children. He told me that if I posted anything about what he had done, it would ruin his family, his life, and his children. He then proceeded to BRIBE me, with promises of inclusion in Black Box Warnings and his endeavors with the woman who runs Blog for Mental Health. In all of these emails I asked him one question and here was his response:

Le Clown Bribe

Le Clown Bribe 2

I made a promise to myself last year that I was done being silent. I am sorry to those women out there who feel like this post has re-victimized them. I am sorry that this outing will cause innocent casualties. I am not however, sorry for doing what I think is in the best interest of women who have not yet been exposed to the predatory behavior and unwanted sexual advances from a man who misrepresents himself.

I lived with a narcissistic sociopath for fifteen years as child, and not by choice. I can spot the signs. No, I am not a doctor. I am simply a woman who was abused severely and relentlessly as a child, who shared my story with a man who I believed to be empathetic to my cause and to my story, only to have that man make inappropriate sexual comments to me as I watched him publicly shame and punish someone else for making a joke. And in doing so, he acquired a larger pool of estrogen in which to swim.

I am not here to win friends. I am only here to speak truths with the hopes that this will reach some unknowing woman from falling victim to yet another predator. While Eric wants desperately for me to believe that it is I who is ruining his life, it is in fact him who has done so. I am also sorry to Sara, his wife.

This was not easy for me to do. This was done with many hours of sleep juxtaposed with anxiety ridden insomnia. I made a purposeful effort to check with people I trust regarding this situation and what my duty is or is not. It is simply my duty to offer you with what I know happened to me and what has happened to at least one other woman within the last month.

I am ashamed that I allowed myself to fall victim, again, to a man who preys upon women in varying degrees. I own that part of this story.

The rest is up to you to decide with what you will do with this information. In full disclosure, I am turning ON moderation for all comments.

For those of you who wish to know more about the details of my interactions with Eric or Le Clown, or whatever name you wish to call this man, I would encourage you to speak with him. Get his side of the story, as I’m sure he has one. I own every piece of email that was sent between the two of us. I will provide those emails to those who ask for it, but only to those who I feel need it in order to make a decision with regards to their personal relationship with Eric. I don’t believe those emails need to be read by every person who wants a glimpse into the discussions of two people simply for voyeuristic pleasure. I believe that what I’ve posted, the pictures of emails, is a truthful view of our interactions, summed up. You can always approach Eric and ask him for the full length emails.

I’m sorry for those women who are hurting right now. Please know that I am one of them.

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274 comments

  1. Hi,
    I’m sorry that you had to go through this. In a way it feels like a double betrayal. For someone who knew your history, to do this to you is inexcusable. I’ve known a couple of guys like what you describe, I wasn’t familiar with LC, I bumped into this post when I was checking some blogs on Narcissism, and I was blown away by the similarities in the LC’s behaviour and these guys I knew. The pattern is the same: they’re witty and shocking, saying things that very few would dare. They’re flatterers and always seem to be surrounded by an “entourage” of women (or a fan club if you like). I admired the courage it must have taken for you to write about this, since those of us who grew up in abusive/neglectful families know how hard is to break the “No Talk rule”. Thank you so much for sharing it, it will help and encourage others to speak up if they have to face a similar situation. All the best.

  2. I just thought about what I wrote, and I want to emphasize that when I say I hope Eric’s okay I am in no way suggesting you should not have outed him. Whatever happens to him, he brought it about. Good for you for publishing this, because thousands would have been afraid to.
    So what do I mean by “I hope Eric’s okay.” I guess I just mean I don’t want to see him in the news. But whatever he does or does not do, or has done, it’s all him. His bed, he can lie in it.

  3. I started following Le Clown about a year and half ago, but I soon stopped reading him regularly. Too often the posts were simply unkind; there was an egoism that went beyond the theatrical persona–it was actually unpleasant, and I couldn’t understand how he’d amassed so many carnies. I didn’t think ill of him necessarily; I just couldn’t relate to him. So reading your post filled in a lot of gaps for me about why he pulled the plug on the whole thing. I think you were right to explain what happened. That having been said, I hope he’s okay. He struck me as a bit…unwell (not that I should talk).

  4. stands up to clap

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

    I appreciate this read very much, although it is chilling and upsetting. It is empowering to see people not keeping silent about abuses and breaches of boundaries and trust, despite the source being someone who had established a form of fame and presence in a forum we endeavour to see as a safe place. It is truly despicable what Eric has done, and I am overwhelmingly gobsmacked at the sheer number of women he has victimized. I shudder to think of how many more there are who have not come forward.

    My heart goes out to you, to the many authors of stories which continue to unfold as a result of this predatory clown, and to Sara (the wife of the aforementioned clown).

    Once again, thank you.

    Veggiewitch

  5. Dear CR,

    I heard about your story via Paula’s Pontifications (who I have become quite close with) and then happened upon this post via a re-blog.

    Paula was my support system through a very dark, painful, trying time in 2013 when I learned the man I was married to and consequently divorced from is a pathological liar and a narcissist. This was later confirmed in therapy. Whether or not he is a sociopath remains to be proven; however, all signs point to him possibly being a sociopath. Thanks to the support of Paula, I decided to create another blog (because my Girl for Animal Liberation blog is intended to be the voice of the voiceless, i.e., animals) so as to talk about what happened rather than remain silent like my Ex so wanted me to do. He and his new wife (former mistress) want me to shut up and go away… or as you say, “remain silent”.

    Not that my story has anything to do with your story or this post. Ugh…I’m sorry… I guess what I’m trying to say is, I think you are incredibly strong and brave for speaking out. I am in bewildered awe of how you handled this situation. You have done the right thing. I have seen Le Clown on other bloggers I follow; however, I have never interacted with him directly.

    Thank you for telling your story and for giving those of us who are blogging newbies the heads up.

  6. Amazing. I couldn’t be more impressed by the way you’ve done this. Stopping the cycle of victimization is the biggest step with taking back control.
    As for Eric, I can’t say I’m surprised. Last year a blogger named Carolina Courtland (Staked in the Heart) made A JOKE about someone in his ‘inner circle’ and he (and his clique) led an internet lynching by flooding her blog with extremely aggressive comments. She denies this was the reason, but shortly after it happened she stopped writing/posting regularly. It was all very childish and gratuitous.
    The thing is, the Le Clown blogs were a ponzi scheme. He built a following by conning people. I observed how he’d follow people, leave a couple of messages, and then check in with them methodically and periodically (as if going down a chart, and a name was there every 10 days). He feigned interest then used his rather insignificant notoriety as a weapon to brandish against people. Lots of people fell for it. Personally, I refused invitations to participate in BBW and Canadica…

    1. Thank you for the kind words and also for more validation. What you outline speaks exactly to the narcissistic behavior that we’ve been talking about. I think he was probably methodical at first and so many people fell for it which ultimately led to his god-complex and then he spiraled out of control. It is unfortunate that so many people were caught up in his predatory practices, following almost blindly. It is scary. I mean, people need to step back and look at what that type of behavior led to and how it hurt a lot of people. How he used a MASS of people for his own sick purposes. Thank you, again.

      1. But you actually stopped it. I mean, that’s huge. It’s all out there. He can’t get away with it any more without changing his name… I’m totally impressed.

  7. I feel great empathy for both parties in this unfortunate mess. And I realize saying so opens me up for possible attacks from both sides. So be it.

    I find it interesting — and admirable — that the final straw for you was not your own situation, but what you felt were attacks towards Nicki Daniels. In fairness, I have no inkling of that particular FB forum nor its contents. But I do have an allergy to excessive PC posturing. I’m also not a fan of banding together for or against any person, at the say-so of one person at the top of a particular pyramid.

    As a participant in the Bonne Année video, I too was unaware of the intended beginning. I found it distasteful, but I chose not to read anything huge into it, because as I said, I’m not into judging, censoring or policing other people’s expression. I did however, learn to investigate thoroughly before agreeing to participate in the projects of others from now on.

    For the record, I’ve had consistent private correspondence with E. for six months and no such exchange as you’ve described has ever occurred. I suppose you might think that’s neither here nor there, but since you’ve chosen to make the public privy to the emails, it’s important for different perspectives to be given a voice. In that spirit, it’s my — granted, unasked — opinion that the reaction to Linda‘s comment is unduly harsh.

    Finally, I remain E.’s friend, because I can only assess my friendship with him based on his behavior towards me. I’m truly sorry for any actual pain you may have felt during your interaction. I’m also certain that he did not mean to cause you pain. But I guess from where I’m standing, he doesn’t deserve all the pain he must now be feeling either.

    It’s my nature to speak my mind, and I hope you understand that I mean no offense toward you, your past plight, or your strong stance in this particular situation. It’s just, all people deserve kindness, fairness, empathy, and understanding, be they abused, otherwise damaged, or misguided.

    1. Geisha, I appreciate that you came here and aired you thoughts in a polite manner. I’m exhausted. But for right now, I just want to say: I think it’s all very unfortunate. But people who have survived abuse, especially sexual abuse – which is groomed in silence, we tend to become extremely defensive (and rightly so) when we are once again told that we should not speak up or out. I understand that you think our comments to Linda were harsh, but if only I could express how harsh it is for someone who has been abused, to consistently have the same shaming occur within our society. I think so many of us are just tired of it.

      Yes, what I saw happen to Nicki is the straw that broke the camel’s back. Because it proved to me that this man was completely misrepresenting himself. That is when I started to feel physically ill. Him overstepping his boundaries with me happened the EXACT same day. I asked him to stop and he continued and that is the unfortunate point. More unfortunate is that he propped himself up on platforms to make it look as if he cared deeply about injustice and how WORDS, specifically, can due great damage to a person.

      While you believe he that he did not mean to cause me pain, I disagree. I’m not sure how we would ever come to an agreement. I see the signs of what I know and lived with, all too well. The validation to this belief that he did mean harm, is the fact that so many other people have come and stated that they have also been hurt by him deeply, as well. It simply can’t be ignored.

      Again, I appreciate you coming here and voicing your opinion in the most polite way I think you knew how. I wish more people, however, would listen and become educated with regards to abuse and how we deserve a voice, too. That when we have been violated or preyed upon, we are allowed to speak up without people attacking us. Because for us to speak up is a huge deal – as I said, we’ve been groomed to stay silent. And I believe certain people prey on that knowledge. In fact, I know they do as that is what abusers count on in order to keep abusing.

  8. I believe you. I was a person people didn’t believe many years ago. I congratulate you. You are the exception. I hope others come through and disclose if this has been there experience too.

  9. I found your blog after it was re-blogged on behindthemaskofabuse. I’m pretty new to blogging, so this is all similarly new to me – but I just wanted to say that you are clearly an amazing writer, and a fearless survivor. Please keep on doing what you are doing!

  10. I honestly don’t know what to say. It feels as though I went to sleep and woke up in a mirror universe version of WordPress.
    My heart goes out to everyone caught up in this maelstrom.

  11. Your truth sounds a whole lot like my (and others) experience with Zain Arcane, the proclaimed “Voice of knowledge on narcissistic abuse”…who you will notice no longer has an internet presence;). Truth has its benefits, we all must speak it, boldly, firmly and unashamedly. Their hope is that our embarrassment will keep us silent. Those days are done, and therefore, we can expect too that their days shall be done; they will no longer be able to continue to victimize women who are trying to recover from abuses already endured. Feel free to inbox me on facebook Rachel…I might be able to help. If nothing else we can share our truth and reveal more about how their game is played. Courage is what can awaken others-congratulations for demonstrating yours!

  12. I’m following this due to a re-blog. I’m sorry to all that were re-victimized by this sociopath. This is truly disturbing, as I am fairly new to WordPress as well. I do follow a few of the blogs that have commented here. I have not read all of the comments, yet I do have a question that may or may not have been answered. Has anyone followed up with WordPress? If so, was there any feedback? Is there anything that can be done?

  13. Thank you to Calamity Rae for having the courage to speak out about someone who is clearly not the person he pretends to be & thank you Zoe for bringing this to our attention. I am happy to say I am not a follower of his blog & now I never will be.

  14. Reblogged this on From One Crazy Life To Another and commented:

    I’m getting this story out there because this is TOTAL B.S and no one deserves to be treated this way. Go Calamity Rae for posting your story and being brave!!! You’re awesome and anyone who disagrees is either a moron or just plain ignorant!

  15. First of all, I’m reblogging. Second of all, anyone who blames you for this is a fucktard. I hate using really bad language, but damnit there is no more appropriate word here in my opinion. Thirdly, you’re doing the right thing, don’t let ANYONE tell you different. and fourth(Because I hate ending on odd numbers) you are AMAZING and everyone makes mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up for thinking someone was a friend and it turned sour fast. That happens and it’s okay.

    1. You did? That’s disappointing to hear. I hope you’ve been doing well and that married life is treating you good. I’ve been terrible about blog reading lately…sorry for that.

    1. Hey, that’s completely up to you. I don’t mind if you reblog it. But definitely do so because you want to spread the word. I appreciate you checking on me. I’m doing okay. It’s not easy as people will always blame me. That’s our culture.

      1. I’m so sorry people are blaming you, whether it’s our culture or not. I am not directly involved with this but, my blog is about narcissism and abuse, and I want to practice what I preach. The only way to stop this is to stand up to it. Fear is what gives him power right?! I can say I’m standing with you and that’s talk…or I can take action and reblog. The reason I’ve asked you first is depending on people’s reactions it could cause you grief so I wanted to make sure that you would be okay if I chose to do that.

        1. Oh, I’m totally fine with that. And I really appreciate those of you who understand the type of power struggle that we are talking about here. The type of predator that he is. He has, very obviously, hurt many people. And that is why I don’t regret what I did. I put my name on it. I could have easily copped out and opened up a anonymous blog, blacked out my name in the emails and taken it from there. I don’t think some people realize that I have put myself on the line, and that I’ve done so because I know the truth. That I am held accountable for my own actions. Our culture is literally sick.

          1. A lot of us are talk, you are action, I really admire your strength and courage. I was raised by a narcissistic sociopath (maybe you know that) They’re brutal. Has anyone else standing with you reblogged? I know Paula put up a link. Just for the record, he’s in the wrong not you. He’s a coward, you have courage. His marriage ending is in no way your fault it’s his. I’m going to do a post to let people know that I will be reblogging your post. Then I’ll reblog. xo

            1. Yes, quite a few reblogged. And that has definitely help spread the word. I believe in action, as well. Not just typing behind a screen with no real mission or passion. I live what I talk. Anyone who knows me in real life, knows this to be true. And I think I’ve shown that here, as well.

              1. I’m glad quite a few have! Good for you. I’m just doing a post to prepare my followers for the reblog. It will be going live in the next little while. I’ll let you know when. When enough people have seen it,my post, then I’ll reblog yours. xo

        2. This.
          This is why I follow you, Zoe. Despite how hard your life has been, and regardless of how hard it is to read your posts sometimes, this is why I show up when you put publish.

          Because of who I am online, it’s going to take me some time to figure out how to put it in words, but what you’re doing is what i’m going for.

  16. Hello Calamity Rae,

    I’ve known Eric since 2008.
    He harassed many women I know.

    I don’t think he has a plan he’s not THAT brillant. He’s a sex addict and a dumbass.
    Congratulations on outing him

    1. Hi Jeff, thanks for validating this story, as so many others have done. You know, he actually is NOT that brilliant, and yet so many people are still fooled. It took me exactly ONE month to figure it out and I hate that it took me that long.

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